I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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