i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Randomize
