For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
