Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
