i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize