apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Randomize
