saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
