i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
