if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
