I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize