no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
