now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
