Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
