I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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