Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize