I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
