i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
