I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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