The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
