im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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