I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
