I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
