Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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