the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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