Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
