4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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