Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
