you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
