be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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