i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Randomize
