Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
