omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
