I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize