i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
