I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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