I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
