hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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