All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize