I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
So many bounce houses so little time
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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