i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
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