$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
