you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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