if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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