He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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