I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize