i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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