I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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