FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
