love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
