I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Randomize
