how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
