So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize