um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
