3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
