I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
