I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
