You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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