3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
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