Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Randomize
