I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
