hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
