I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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