P.S. I can't hear my feet
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
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