I have demons in me.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I love having hate sex.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Randomize
